Wednesday, February 06, 2008

so, first things first: an update on The Littlest Patriarch, aka the Little Yolk Sac That Could,aka The Products of Conception, aka Wolfgang P., in utero -

The health care professional in charge of this whole thing tells me that his head is in position (headfirst, not feet first, or shoulders first, or some other complicated breech presentation) and he's estimated to weigh some seven pounds, and it's just a matter of days now until labor begins.

of course, I've heard that weight estimates are wildly inaccurate, and "a matter of days" may well mean something very different to the fetus than it does to me.

If anyone out there is my psychic friend, or wants to consult the cards or other handy oracle, please feel free to share.

but, if you're new here, I bet you're not so interested in stupid baby crap. I bet you totally don't give a shit about the new baby rapist I am certain to raise, from the minute he takes his first patriarchal breath. I bet you're far more interested in that pandagon thread.

well, far be it from me not to give the people what they want.

here's the big unforgiveable Fuck You post.

here is the post where I selfrighteously bloviated from my mountaintop about Heart's blog attack and related issues.

and here's where I bombastically and pompously declare that The Patriarchy Does Not Exist.

and here's a little bit on being sex-positive.

so. as usual, draw your own conclusions. I've been accused in the past of being a fencesitter, and that's probably true. Maybe that's a character flaw I ought to work on.

I've also been accused of being passive-aggressive. of course, every time I experiment with being regular aggressive, the situation really does not improve, so I'm not sure what to do about that particular critique.

but, yeah, conclude as you will, comment as you wish.

and I stand by my words, even those words I said waaaaaaaaaay back when I first started blogging (as embarrassing as that may be).

I'm not always consistent, though I try to be.

I'm not always smart, or thorough, or clean, or kind, though I try to be.

I fail sometimes. I try to make it right (or as right as possible) when I do.

I guess I've evolved over time, as all bloggers do, and I have no shame in saying that some things I've said I really regret. but that's life.

not everyone's going to agree with me. I can handle that. I think I've learned how to handle that better over time.

but I'm not going to take it lying down when someone gives me shit for the company I keep, or for how I choose to relate to the world.
I conclude that you are awesome, and one of the nicest bloggers I know. Far nicer than I could ever be.

Best of luck to you and Wolfgang in the coming days!!
As for the Pandagon thread, I hopped over there real quick to see what was up. (I don't read Pandagon unless someone whose opinion I value tells me there's something I should look at over there.) I actually don't disagree w/ the basic premise of what Amanda said in her post, so I can only assume that whatever shitstorm you're referring to occurred in the comments, which are approaching 300. I don't have the time nor the masochistic (in a bad way, not a fun way) desire to slog through all that, and a cursory look shows that ginmar showed up rather early, so I think it's a pretty educated guess that yeah, that's where the shit went down.

My basic point? *HUGS* to you!
the rest of the gist of it is at RE's, last few posts.
when is Wolfgang due again?
thanks, Amber, and back atcha.

belle - he's due the fourteenth.

I spent a long dark teatime of the soul last night, trying to figure out "was that weird little twinge labor? no? yes?...oh, guess not...just a foot or hand or paw or flipper...dude, stop all that writhing, seriously...hey, maybe that was- nope, not even close...sigh..."
A Valentine's baby! Awesome. :)
both wolfgang and his mom are full of awesome.
yes! and: oh wow oh wow.

i can't believe the last time i saw you, we didn't even know of Wolfgang's existence. and now he's almost...all baked.
well, I think he's a little overdone, frankly. in lots of ways.
Words of wisdom from my very wise aunt-- when you find yourself with an uncontrollable urge to get down on your hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor, the labor is about to start. Go get some sleep, you'll need it later. Someone else will be more than happy to wash your floor once the baby is here.
Oh, and after Wolfgang is born, HOARD the ice-pack sanitary napkins they give you in the hospital on the first day, they won't be so willing to part with them on day 2!!
when you find yourself with an uncontrollable urge to get down on your hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor,

dude...I'm pretty sure that would be a sign of the Apocalypse, not just of labor!
Same here, but not being as wise as my aunt I ignored the sign. I not only washed the floor, but drove my brother to a job interview, waited for him, drove him to the airport, and drove myself home... and somehow managed not to give birth on the Beltway in rush hour traffic!
i just have to delurk to say, good luck with wolfgang, and definitely don't think the weight estimate is even close. my midwives and nurses and everyone else looking up my vagina said "whoa, he'll be a big one, at least 8 pounds." He was 9'12"

but cute, very cute :)

I'm pretty sure that would be a sign of the Apocalypse

LOL! Good luck, AntiP, in the next week. I'll be sending good karna your way.

Regardless, whenever you "pop", you'll make a wonderful mom. 8^D
I'm pretty sure you don't wnat good "karna" though, so I'll work on good "karma". LOL
He was 9'12"

OMG, I'm sorry Ruth, but I didn't see your comment before, and I looked up after I posted mine and saw '9'12"' and thought "OMG! He was THAT TALL?!?!" Yeah, I'm an idiot, but still. 8^D
As a thrice over mom, I agree with the caveat that nobody can predict much of anything really. My midwife did a sweep and said I'd deliver within 24 hours. I was pregnant two more weeks. They said my third would come really fast, less than two hours of labour. She took 18 hours to make that short journey from womb to room.

Whatever. It all happens how it needs to happen.

I did find, however, that lots of sex helps to get them out sooner if you're getting tired of being pregnant. (Climbing the anthill we were - yeeeeha!)

And squeezing cheap black combs (the kind my dad used to use to comb his brushcut) in each hand really helped with the pain (because my hands hurt so maybe).

Hoping for an easy birth for you and good health to all!
You're in my thoughts! Sorry I can't write're in my thoughts!
Sorry to come off critical. I know it's tempting to turn off comments so as not to hear negative things, but it's only by having our opinions and perceptions challenged that we either develope stronger evidence for our opinions, or we develope new opinions.

Anyway, this use of "sex-pos", what is your purpose, exactly? Do you have one? Because as far as I can see, the opposite of "sex-pos" is "sex negative". And of course in our society we are all required to love men, and so anyone who doesn't want to have sex with them must have some sort of problem.

It's a minimizing technique, used by people who can win an argument only if they resort to cheap manipulative tactics.

I'd say the word is really "yay-porn". And since there is literally zero fairly-done, peer-reviewed research which indicates objectification of women is ultimately healthy for women's status, then it follows that the "yay-porn" crowd is engaging some wierd Stockholm Syndrome mental gymnastics. It's the sign of weakness.

If you want to assert that porn is healthy and harmless, then you need to prove that porn is healthy and harmless. Repetition is not an argument.

If you're tired of this argument, I'm sorry. But if someone is going to keep using the term "sex pos" and cheering yay-porn, then they do actually need to prove their argument or shut the fuck up.
hello mAndrea!

you can critique - I won't dissolve into a puddle of icky feelings for you to mock endlessly (sorry to disappoint). I'd like to think I've grown at least a proto-spine over the past year or so.

a big problem for me is the fact that it's hard to agree on what exactly constitutes "porn" - how can I be for or against something that has no consistent definition?

I'd like to think that some sexually-oriented material is healthy (both in origin and final destination), and some pretty harmless. some sets a bad precedent, yeah. but I don't think that all dirty pictures are, um, dirty.

have I done a study? no. but the thing about studies is, for every study that says porn=death, there are two that say porn ain't no thing. and for every two that say porn ain't no thing, there are four that say porn=death. and so on, and so on...

I've engaged in sexual activity of all sorts with all sorts of partners. sometimes pictures were taken of the activity. but I have to say that none of it was nearly as humiliating as having to take a big smiling happy family portrait with my abusive exhusband.

i.e. - here's a picture, let's say, of me having some crazy-ass DP one wild night after too much tequila. (hic!) and right beside it here's a picture of me pretending to be a happy housewife, sitting primly and cheerfully beside the man who tried to kill me.

which is the porn? which is the inaccurate representation of me? of All Women?

I mean, I realize I am not All Women. but I am A Woman, who doesn't much mind having her picture taken while having sexual adventures of all sorts. and I'm not a special unique snowflake - I'm sure I'm not a one-off weirdo among Class Woman.

so until I can get a really solid definition of pornography to be against, I can't really agree to be against it.

if you read the linked post on "sex positive", you'd know that I use the term "non-anti-porn" in discussions where pornography (as opposed, maybe, to non-photographed sexual behavior?) specifically is the subject.

but I've had a lot to say about it elsewhere, so you may have the pleasure of catching me in a contradiction somewhere down the line. enjoy.

yes, the term "sex positive" can be really problematic, and sometimes I don't feel all that, er, positive about it. I used to feel more okay with it, out-n-proud about it, but I've also tried to be sensitive to the fact that other folks don't like to be referred to as "sex-negative".

fwiw, the last thing I wrote about regarding the term and its derivatives can be found here:

not remarkably relevant to your specific point, but there you go.

coupla people I know use the term "yay porn" to describe themselves, and the world has not caved in upon them or anything. so, I guess, if the cruel shoe fits, or something...

and, you know, I realize this all makes the discussion clear as mud, but I just thought you'd like to know I read your comment and this is some of what I thought in response.

now, if you're looking for a knock-down drag-out fee-fee-fest, I'm afraid I can't help you at the moment. maybe in a few years when Wolfgang is not a screaming ball of wet id, I can attend to your need to fight with me.
And of course in our society we are all required to love men, and so anyone who doesn't want to have sex with them must have some sort of problem.


not buying it. the first time I heard the term was from the dykeliest dyke who ever dyked.
know it's tempting to turn off comments so as not to hear negative things, but it's only by having our opinions and perceptions challenged that we either develope stronger evidence for our opinions, or we develope new opinions.

someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't recall ever turning off comments. you must have someone else in mind.
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