Friday, July 11, 2008

so we all talk about "feminism" an awful lot.

feminism is, feminism thinks, feminism will, etc blah blah blah.

or better - real feminism is/thinks/will, etc.

Like we know. As though Feminism lives next door to us and we are over her house just every other day, having coffee or margaritas or soy-chai-green-tea-pomegranate-lattes or whatever. and since we're such close friends who share simply every waking thought, we know exactly who Feminism really is, what Feminism thinks at any given time, and what Feminism wants for her birthday.

but I wonder if our universal secret is that we all think Feminism's house is nicer (greener, cleaner, more hip) than ours, and Feminism's car is nicer (greener, more efficient, better bumper stickers) than ours, and Feminism's clothes are nicer (more organic, more awesome, more carelessly-stylish), and Feminism's life is just a thousand times better than ours in every way, and although we know Feminism doesn't want us to, we can't help comparing ourselves to Feminism.

god I hate Feminism. she's so perfect.

(meh - thought this was going somewhere. maybe not.)

but here - this whole question of equality vs. liberation is intriguing to me.


if you think men are shit, then who wants to be equal to shit, right?

no sense working for equality when it would be a big ol' stoop-to-conquer-fest.

alternately, if you think men are shit because you believe that men think women are shit, then yay hooray equality achieved, we're all shit, and we can all put down our signs and go home. what's for supper?

I can see where the idea of working for equality with something you hold beneath contempt would be laughable.

so, then liberation, right? de-coupling women from men and The Patriarchy, so that women can make un-coerced choices and exercise free will in the absence of domination by men?

except what will we do with all the men littering the landscape?

If you think that penises = Patriarchy, whether by nature or nurture, then men's minds will never allow liberation of women. not now, not ever, no matter what women do.

but you know, maybe feminism is more about changing men's minds, and men's behavior, than we're all willing to admit.

huh. baby's crying. better go see what's up. I'm going to let this half-formed thought out into the world and see what happens. maybe I'll decide I'm full of it midway through comments. (wouldn't be the first time.)

Seems to me this Feminism you speak of, with it's nicer house, greener car, and esoteric iced beverages, is just a popularity contest. And we all know how much fun that is. It's all My Blog Has More Readers Than Yours and I Wear Mephistos.

Smells like to me.
Women need to be empowered more in general. They need to use their looks for good rather than use them for personal selfish persuits. When you get a moment check out: .
adamgv - ???

who are you and why did you think I'd be interested in "pretty"?

seriously - are you new as well?
please..Feminism's house? The pantry is out of order, she sweeps dirt under the rug. Horrible hostess, too.
oh, I don't know, Ren - she was nice when I dropped by with a coffee cake, the coffee was good, and I didn't look in her pantry.

maybe I should have

but then she learned who I "really" was, and I learned she was totally bitchy to my friends, so, you know, she never invites me over anymore.
more seriously -
I often feel like feminism is used as a set of standards, against which we always always always fall short in some way.

and we tie our tails in knots apologizing for falling short, or justifying our shortfalls, or otherwise trying to excuse our human-ness and failure to meet these impossible standards.
I think what bothers me is the lack of sincerity, like feminism is a fashion. Like being green is often like a fashion thing, wearing slogan t shirts in a huge house with a gas guzzler you need "because of the ski equipment".

I see women talking about respect, and then I see them invalidating everyone else's experience. And don't even dare take anyone to task for racism or anything else, because it is often more about defending one's view and preserving one's pedigree than an act of listening and engagement.

It turns many people off whose presence would be of great use.
Heidi -

I stumbled (hopefully onto the right Heidi's) blog by a "google on a whim". This is the Heidi I think it is from West Hartford at Sedgwick and Conard? Wow, you've gone through so much and so have I. I think it's been 17-19 years since we talked, since we were both in college.

This is from out of Pluto but would love to catch up via Email anyway, if you have the time (given that you're chasing a new rugrat around, based on your blog -heck no no no, I didn't know that or anything until I stumbled onto your blog the other day!).

Your blog rules, by the way.
Wish I could write that sort of
blog, but sure my employer wouldn't
like it. In some ways, I could.

My Email is

After reading through your blog,
I'm happy that you seem to be in
a very happy place now, married, kid (awesome!) but can't imagine you with long long hair!

And you put yourself down so much on your blog. Stop that. I tend to do the same, and it's not healthy.

The scene from Caddyshack:

Judge: Well, Ty, what'd you shoot?

Ty: Well Judge, I don't keep score.

Judge: Well then how do you measure yourself against other golfers?

Ty: By height.

I never measure myself by what anyone else has, says, thinks or feels. I measure by.. at the
end of the day, would I have
done anything differently. If
the answer is no, great, go to
bed and sleep well.

The more ornery-sounding posts on your blog are good though! Good stuff.

This presidential election coming up - I think you said it somewhere in your blog - is a sham. We have a Republican president with somewhere on the order of an 18% approval rating, and yet, the race is a dead heat, if not tipping the Republican's way. I'm slightly right of center on average - fiscal and military right, social probably left of center - but, my God, doesn't most of the country just think, who cares, my vote is meaningless? Unfortunately, it probably is. If you're a Republican in New York or a Democrat in Kentucky, why bother?

So..I just had to drop a comment (OK lots of comments) from totally outside Pluto... If this is the wrong Heidi (or even if it's the right Heidi and you just don't want to talk) I apologize, and send an Email back telling me to sod off....

I hope all's well with you, if you're the right Heidi, and if you're not, well, hope all's well with you too even though I don't know who you are.

Hey - But again reading your blog, your sarcastic wit is the same as always. Damn sardonic at times.
Good stuff. I like mortifying
people with dark humor and pointing people right in the face with issues.

And, god rest Art Buchwald. Unless of course he was an atheist. In which case... Rest in an urn or be spinkled over wherever he wanted to be sprinkled over!

I lost my dad 6 years ago - I'm good at funeral jokes.

And while I'm at it, never forget that a prepostion is a lousy word to end a sentence with.

Maybe you've figured who I am out by now. But if not and again, if you just want me to sod off, let me know.
Heidi (right Heidi or wrong Heidi) -

Alright, scratch the previous Email address.... use this Someone beat me to the 12 evidently. I hadn't had a non-commercial Email account in a long time.

So unfortunately if you told the person owning bc12pax to sod off, then whoops.

However... I hope you're well. Talk soon I hope.
bill charest. ain't that something.
(did I guess right?)
Yep, you guessed right, Heidi. :-)

I've been thinking about "liberation" for a bit. mulling over a post myself.
Just wanted to say that I absolutely love your blog. I like your style and your humor. I especially like your views on feminism.

I'm not very welcome over at Feminism's house, myself. I let it slip one too many times that I prefer to make up my own mind about things, and that I don't see how anyone's better off being lead around by other women than by men.

I didn't want to join the chorus, and so...

I'm not too bothered, though. Feminism has too many rules and I'm too much of a rebel.

Seriously, love your blog!

P.S. I breastfed a male neonate too. Guess that's just one more reason I can't join the club.
hi lottie! welcome!

lately over the past week the male neonate has needed LOTS of nursing, at the least convenient times...I should just put him outside while I blog...

kidding, kidding. totally kidding.
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