Thursday, July 19, 2007

 
Round round get around I get around...

found here, at ye olde Twistyverse:
http://easypersiflage.com/blameforum/index.php?topic=882.msg11785#msg11785

Medusa, I have hesitated to address your Nigel Jr issues as well, because you want to take it personally that radical feminists do not care what a good little patriarch you are raising. Radical feminists only care that, so long as patriarchy exists, all little boys, down to the very last puppy dog's tail, grow up to be patriarchs, who are our enemies. Your joy at your son's empathy or niceness or whatever doesn't change the fact that the existence of patriarchs (especially the ones who 'can do no wrong') at all means that girls and women will continue to be oppressed by male supremacy. The joy your son brings you is gotten off the backs of the women and girls your son has/will continue to exploit (and exploit is broad; please give some consideration to the ways even 'good' men exploit women before you let your hackles raise too far; if he's school-aged, he's probably already stolen more than his fair share of the teacher's attention from some equally deserving girl, not his fault, but still a fact of life), and off the backs of the women he'll stand by and let his brethren rape and exploit. While I don't deny that women do not currently have much choice in the matter of raising our oppressors, that doesn't change the fact that it is nothing to celebrate on a radical feminist forum, not least because it isn't radical.

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like Medusa got a chance to answer this commenter. So I don't know what she thinks of the comment, or even if she'd be cool about my discussing it here. But, as they say, it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

(It's probably worth mentioning that there's another thread elsewhere on that board for women discussing the raising of boys. It's a very low-key, quiet, please-don't-hurt-me type thread, in my estimation, but judge for y'allselves: http://easypersiflage.com/blameforum/index.php?topic=750.0)

OK - back to business.

As someone who could potentially be the mother of a son (I guess we'll find out sooner or later), I find this extremely disturbing. let's EXAMINE this, shall we?

Medusa, I have hesitated to address your Nigel Jr issues as well, because you want to take it personally that radical feminists do not care what a good little patriarch you are raising.

well, yeah. I think it's quite reasonable to take it personally - I mean, the statement is not only designed to provoke Medusa, but it's also completely irrational. If radical feminists want to eradicate patriarchy, why would they not care about the raising of boys?

Radical feminists only care that, so long as patriarchy exists, all little boys, down to the very last puppy dog's tail, grow up to be patriarchs, who are our enemies.

holy shit - seriously? I thought biology was NOT, specifically NOT, definitely NOT, absolutely NOT destiny. I thought behavior, not chromosomes, dictated one's level of worth to society. right? that's how it's okay for women to have independent thoughts, desires, worth, etc. - because we are not universally subject to the whims of the womb, as was previously thought. This commenter seems to think that anything with an XY chromosome is chained to his destiny of oppression, no matter what steps are taken - how is that different from thinking that anything with an XX chromosome is chained to hers?

Your joy at your son's empathy or niceness or whatever doesn't change the fact that the existence of patriarchs (especially the ones who 'can do no wrong') at all means that girls and women will continue to be oppressed by male supremacy.

but if more mothers (more parents, really) expressed joy at their sons' empathy and niceness, maybe such behavior would be reinforced, and the oppressive behavior we all deplore would, if not disappear, at least diminish over time. But you gotta start somewhere - why not in the cradle? and why on earth bust on women who are trying to do just that?

The joy your son brings you is gotten off the backs of the women and girls your son has/will continue to exploit (and exploit is broad; please give some consideration to the ways even 'good' men exploit women before you let your hackles raise too far; if he's school-aged, he's probably already stolen more than his fair share of the teacher's attention from some equally deserving girl, not his fault, but still a fact of life), and off the backs of the women he'll stand by and let his brethren rape and exploit.

Oh for the love of friendly purple dinosaurs! I think the child in question is all of five years old. How on earth can one even reasonably speculate on his future of oppression? for all we know, the boy in question could grow up to live all alone on a mountaintop, eating nothing but roots and berries, too fearful of oppressing any damn thing to come down. Or the poor darling could meet with a tragic accident (GOD FORBID, seriously) and never grow up to stand on the backs of women at all - what would the commenter say then?

"oh, well, sorry for your loss, Medusa, but at least it's one fewer foot on all of our necks, so don't despair! Viva la revolucion!"

While I don't deny that women do not currently have much choice in the matter of raising our oppressors, that doesn't change the fact that it is nothing to celebrate on a radical feminist forum, not least because it isn't radical.

ok - here's where this commenter just crosses the line, for me (as if any of the rest of her comment was any more acceptable). What do you suggest, commenter? what modest proposal can you put forth as an alternative? I'm sure boy babies can be easily recycled as food for wolves, vultures, hungry lunatics such as yourself...

and, if I have not made myself clear yet, let me do so now - the effort to raise humane boys, with the intent to create humane men, is WAY more radical an idea than "I blame the patriarchy."

Whew. I'm done. more or less.

Coupla others have weighed in on this, notably Kim and Rootie. Share and enjoy.

Comments:
Boys oppress because they have penises. Sex between a male with a penis who must ultimately physically (somehow) oppress the woman in order to stick his penis in her GoddessFlowerSanctuary O'Peace and violate the sanctity of her Feminine Perfection, well, it's oppression, whether he's vegan or not. It's oppression the same way a boar hog stinks no matter how often you give him a bath. Can't be helped. Men 'R' Bad.

(and ya know what? I'll take a boy-child over a girl-child any day. Way less drama even IF the clothes aren't as cute)
 
Well, done AP.
I liked this, in particular: "but if more mothers (more parents, really) expressed joy at their sons' empathy and niceness, maybe such behavior would be reinforced, and the oppressive behavior we all deplore would, if not disappear, at least diminish over time."

Sounds good to me, but to others?
Nah.
Much easier just to "blame" and be done with it.
 
Should be "Well done" not "Well, done."
Stupid bastard comma.
 
"but if more mothers (more parents, really) expressed joy at their sons' empathy and niceness, maybe such behavior would be reinforced, and the oppressive behavior we all deplore would, if not disappear, at least diminish over time."

It would diminish, the way slavery has diminished, because attitudes evolve. It's just too bad it takes so long. It won't ever go away, because mean people happen. Sometimes they even happen when the parents are nice.
 
that just amazes me....i mean ffs...I just don't even have Words For that Pile of Fruitcake
 
my biggest fear - that I'll give birth to Napoleon McBullypants, and no matter what I do my son will be a total jerk.

nightmares, nightmares.

so, seriously - how should we raise boys? That's the real question.

Assume for the moment that every little girl born from this moment on is raised in a perfect bubble of non-sexist yet sacred-female-affirming peace and harmony.

what do we do with their brothers?
 
Here's how we raise ours:
A bb gun at 7
a .22 at 10
a 16 gauge shotgun at 14
a 30.30 at 16.

They all turned out fine.
Really. *twitch*. Just fine.

You have to find your own way, seek the advice of people you respect. If you're compassionate, then they'll grow up thinking that's the normal way to behave. If you beat the living shit out of them for every perceived infraction, they'll grow up thinking that's normal. The problem is, that there's no guarentee. You just have to do the best you can, and when they screw up, remind yourself (over and over and over)that they are human with a will, and will make their own decisions. You give them the tools, it's up to them to decide to use them.
 
what about firearms and their responsible use do you think was most effective and useful in their development?

and how do you bathe a boar hog, anyway?
 
"what about firearms and their responsible use do you think was most effective and useful in their development?"

They learned how to be very careful, and concious of their surroundings, and some serious cause-and-effect. They learned that not everything in this world is safe and harmless. Add that to learning empathy and charity and all those other good things- makes for a well rounded individual. 2 of our sons opted out of owning firearms, said they didn't want the responsibility. The third has made up for the other 2, being NRA and Rifle Team at school (This is South Georgia, yes we have a rifle team). I trust him enough to let him take our 8 yr old in the woods with his bb gun (and elder's .22)

"and how do you bathe a boar hog, anyway?"
Very carefully. With a hose and Yardleys English Lavender. But you'll want to ask his permission first.
 
This comment has been removed by the author.
 
AP, nice take on the multiple inconsistencies throughout this quoted section.

And, are congratulations due?

On the Twisty boards, I found this from one mother of a boy:

"but really, it comes to me sometimes, if the best he can be is a nigel, why bother? I could take the girlbaby, run off to a women's commune, and let his dad raise him. not that I would, but it does run through my head."

Just the fact that she's even had the thought, although then dismissed it, shocks me. Not being fully loved and accepted by ones mother is not only tragic but also a really bad way to engender a healthy view of women.
 
That's some equally chilling stuff, Octo.
 
octo - yep. ETA mid-february. we'll have to decide what to do with poor little Wolfgang, if indeed that's what we're faced with.

(yeah, one assumes it will all be blue skies and chirping birdies if we wind up with Lydia instead. all we have to do is make sure she never goes outside or sees her father, so she never gets Patriarchy Cooties.)

"but really, it comes to me sometimes, if the best he can be is a nigel, why bother? I could take the girlbaby, run off to a women's commune, and let his dad raise him.

yeah, no chance of minimizing the recapitulation of patriarchy that way...oy.

what do you think, blogosphere? should we leave little Wolfgang out on the hillside, since obviously all our best efforts to raise a decent human being are doomed to failure? we have bears here, occasional mountain lions, all lurking around the neighborhood, looking for boy babies to eat. maybe that's the highest and best purpose for infant male flesh, since there's no redemption for them anyway.

should we set him on an ice floe? sell him to the circus? turn him over to the gummint for medical experiments? call the mothership to come take him home? what? what do you want me to do with my baby, justicewalks?

seriously - what do these folks suggest I do, actually do, with a boy baby?

this makes me SO MAD.
 
look, I'm probably a little hormonal and sensitive about it, which may account for my blind rage on the subject and subsequent wild hyperbole.

but I really am curious. if there's anyone out there who can explain the radfem position on raising boy children, I really am interested, and I will try hard to keep calm and un-berzerk.
 
Ap: go back a bit where you say "my biggest fear - that I'll give birth to Napoleon McBullypants"
the changes of that happening is like
the chances of George Bush becoming King Bush.
Anti-prince was not violent when he was young and you certainly weren't and aren't any kind of violent or mean.
 
FS201 - well, I appreciate that, honey, I do.

but I fear, nonetheless. you know, 'cuz I'm fearful.
 
Ap: i know that, you also shouldn't worry about weather or not it is a boy or a girl...look I'm a boy and you know me fairly well, I turned out just fine.
Maybe I would have done better if I were sold to the circus, or on an ice floe...but I doubt it. Maybe you should talk to my mom about raising a kid late in life. She is the best mother anyone could have.
 
AP,

I'm not so interested in how rad-fems raise their boys-- rather I am struggling to explain to my 8 year old why she shouldn't be too disappointed if Hillary Clinton doesn't become the next president... without crushing the "girls can be grow up to be anything but daddies, uncles and grandpas" that I have been preaching her whole life.

But, I do know this:

The bullies on the playground are the ones who aren't getting enough positive attention at home.

Loving, sensitive parents teach their children to be fair, take turns, and to use their words not their fists (and for girls not to do the spiteful "do it *my* way or you can't be my BEST friend.") They reinforce the behaviors they want to see, and work with their kids to correct the behaviors they don't.
 
sharon! omg hi! squee!
 
Anti-prince was not violent when he was young

oh, is that what he told you? ;)

he had his moments.

maybe this subject is just too personal for me right now, and I shouldn't let it get political.

I just don't see how killing boys just for being boys is any better than killing girls just for being girls.

and raising boys to be anti-oppression would obviate the need to kill them, yeah?
 
Sharon - how has it been, raising girls?
 
if he's school-aged, he's probably already stolen more than his fair share of the teacher's attention from some equally deserving girl, not his fault, but still a fact of life

ok, so, when the teacher asks him a question he's supposed to say "oh, I know the answer but please, Mrs. Krabapple, ask a girl!"
 
well, and taking up more than his share of space in a classroom is TOTALLY a good reason to say, *let's kill him.*

I mean--jesus, what a fucking cop out. "in a patriarchal world." well, shit, teach your little darling -to be different-. Oh, you can't, you say? It's not good enough, you say? You don't have any power here -either-, you say. Not even if you spirit him away to a colony of radical wimmin and never let him within spitting distance of a Patriarch till he reaches his eighteenth birthday. Huh. I guess it must be in the blood, or the gonads, after all.

well, you could always castrate him at birth, I suppose. and hang a great bell around his neck to advertise his neutral state, just in case he ever decides he wants to identify with either one or the other of the two most recognized sexes.
 
Aside from the fact that the poster is batshit crazy, the entire quote is an attempt to silence and shame NigelMom. It's not even about the boy. Mom needs to shut up about small penis owners. Mom isn't radical enough to speak here. It's Radfem UberCop trying to lay down rules again. Pfft!
 
well, and what was particularly wonderful about that was, that was one of the mods.

surprise surprise, said mod promptly loses all sympathy and cajoling for jw to please stay, we can work it out. goodbye and good riddance, then.

jw promptly trots off to the Margins, there to wallow in "you see? you SEE? see how she was oppressing me?"

apparently We were not an autonomous collective, after all.
 
hey, i'm the person quoted here..

"but really, it comes to me sometimes, if the best he can be is a nigel, why bother? I could take the girlbaby, run off to a women's commune, and let his dad raise him. not that I would, but it does run through my head."

and I was being hyperbolic, I guess would be the term?

as in, I read these radfems saying my son could be at best a Nigel, and kinda wondered wtf they thought I should do about it. I couched it as though it was something I actually think rather than what they seemed to be suggesting, to get responses with less defensiveness.
 
katinachoovanski - I am glad you are here.

I'm sorry I seemed to quote you out of context. now I feel a little bad.

but I think I get you.

I was really angry with what you had to deal with, and maybe I should have commented on that thread. but I've already burned my bridges with that crowd, and I highly doubt I'd be tolerated for any length of time.
 
no problem, with the out of context quoting. you can't quote everything in full context, after all. I'm just glad I had a chance to clear it up. I may be posting under two different names here, as I forgot I already had a blogger account.

I think my bridges over there are starting to smolder as well, especially since sarcasm = abusive behavior, and obviously, with what you quoted, I'm a tad sarcastic sometimes.
 
it's cool.

for what it's worth, you are quite welcome here. consider it a bridge built.

I know I'm not as radical (or even as interesting) as other lady bloggers of note, but we get by.
 
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