Monday, January 08, 2007

so, er, that I've rejoined the land of the living, what's the buzz?

oh, ha.

I should make it clear from the beginning: I have a rather cumbersome fear of REAL bees. also wasps. anything sting-y, really. because all hymenoptera want to kill me. I know this way down deep in every cell in my body.

And they're all the same to me. from the most harmless, innocent bumbler to the most aggressive killer yellowjacket - my phobia makes no distinction. they're all Heidi-eating baldfaced hornets in my mind, out to devour me while I shriek in agony until I die.

funny thing is, I'm totally not allergic. I'm just really sweat-pouringly tongue-swellingly head-spinningly stomach-turningly heart-stoppingly afraid of stinging insects. Even just typing about how deeply and irrationally I fear all bees is making me a little queasy-uneasy.

Now all I can think about is the fact that our local bee/wasp population is mere seconds from attacking my ass, since it's not been cold enough to put the stinging menace to sleep this winter. they could be anywhere, lurking and angry, hungry and predatory, whole nests of them just waiting for me to pass by, unwary and oh-so-irresistably, yeah, thanks for the trigger.

as to the biting and incisive (dare I say "stinging") political commentary bumbling around the blogosphere?

I debated long and hard before even dignifying it with an answer. Seriously, why stoop to conquer?

But, here I am anyway. I have a few thoughts on the subject of allegorical and metaphorical and highly symbolic bees, if anyone's interested.

Actually, now that I think about it, I don't. I don't really care about your fake bees, Stormcloud. But say whatcha gotta say, however you gotta say it. Hope you feel better, getting it all off your chest with such style, grace, wit, elegance, artistry. Sheer comic genius, that, as you've proudly said yourself. You'll go far in your career as humorous pundit, I have no doubt.

Let us all know when The Daily Show calls you. Meantime, you might wish to examine whether you really want to quit your day job.

The problem with political satire is that it only really works on a visceral, gut-shot, shivers-up-the-spine, laugh-til-you-puke level if it's based on reality, and not, you know, wild mischaracterizations, personal grudges and bullshit.

Seriously - here's the problem with sorting people into categories, with one category more "desirable" to be in than others - that action is the first step on the long road to forgetting that people in other categories are actually human. (not that I take exception to anthropomorphic allegory - ever read Animal Farm? now there's some highly symbolic animals! - but that's not really the point.)

So, that's a problem if you're working toward a sane theory of liberation. History tells us that's fucking dangerous.

The clever and oh-so-incisive wordplay on the names of folks? yeah, that's quite something. Real Oscar Wilde stuff, there. I bet your english professor is real proud.

When I was a kid, just a little bespectacled filthy dirty contagious pro-pornie, no taller than a jug of wine, I'd often come home from school all crying and wretched, all emotionally shattered after some savage run-in or another with whatever pack of vicious monster children were at the top of the barbaric social heap, and my mother would be all soothing and kind, and say "they only pick on you because they like you, honey. they really want to be your friends."

After some careful consideration and discussion with a good friend of mine, I've come to the decision that Stormcloud's little parable was no less than a clumsily-phrased, poorly-considered, snide, insulting overture of friendship.

to which I say - Awww. Bless your heart.

But the take-home point?

Call me what you want. "Name" me as you will. make me the butt of whatever pathetic little joke your feeble mind is capable of. go for it.

Stretch out a little. try to make it actually funny next time.

But I will not be humiliated into changing my mind. No.

If I weren't already the very least, can you move next door?
aw, rootie! do you want to be my friend? bless your heart!


and yes. I'll get my things posthaste.
I already think you're keen, AP...besides, you know, it can be fun to run "with the bad crowd"...

word verification: nuditud

they knew it was me.
I admit, I laughed.

I laughed because college professor? You're giving her that much credit? Her high school teachers are cringing. (The kindergarten teacher, perhaps, is cooing over the precious story.)

Word verification: ilvmm

"I love mmmm"?
Writing from India :)

Did you see the movie "The Wicker Man"? I saw it on an airplane recently. The bees business brought it to mind. Highly symbolic bees.

I seem to have been denied access to stormcloud's blog so I have no idea what she wrote. It sounds intriguing.

Wow AP you're like a ninja, deftly kicking arse before landing, catlike, delicately, and smiling as your opponent falls to pieces.

I'm feeling weirdly giddy and poetic today.
well, yeah - but of course now I'm feeling my usual remorse at being excessively nasty.

I am just as much at fault for contributing to the cycle of angst as anyone.
You were so not excessively nasty. I might have been, but you weren't.
"Seriously - here's the problem with sorting people into categories, with one category more "desirable" to be in than others - that action is the first step on the long road to forgetting that people in other categories are actually human."

I think you just hit the nail on the head.
I want to be your friend too.

I mean really. I think those women are being really bee-ist when they obviously have no idea of the reality of being either a bee or a wasp.

*I childishly stick up two fingers to them on your behalf*

aww - bless your heart, PJ!

and welcome.
faith - one can anticipate a usual reaction: "well, men think we're not human already! men already have treated us like we're not human! etc."

and I suppose some men do, or don't - but that's not the point.

I mean, you see how well this sorting out of human/not human has worked out for Class People thus far. why do what men do, if we don't like what men do?
y'know, i seem to recall SC being quite clear here and there that yes, she did see things in a black-and-white way, made no bones about it, you're with us or against us, etc. before this i mean.

shrug. i can only speculate as to why she's taking such a hardline and a lot of other people who share most of her basic beliefs & perhaps have similar life experiences do not. i only know that she does; and if someone's gonna be, "my way or the highway," well, there's the turnpike over there; be seein' ya.
why do what men do, if we don't like what men do?

Are SC and ilk a part of the troop that believes the patriarchy will always be with us, forever and ever amen? That would also explain a lot. Put them into bins of our choosing regardless of their actions or who they really are because it makes us feel that much better about the inevitability of our fate.

Apropos WV: KHANC

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