Friday, October 20, 2006

Ms. Bartow, it's libel season and I insist you sue me!


My name is Heidi H. FUCKING Parsons. I'm 38 years old. My birthday is coming up. If anyone would like to send me awesome presents or subpoenas, you can email me at

laurel FUCKING resources at Yahoo Dot FUCKING com

and I'll give my address to anyone who asks.

(note: on the advice of my attorney, I've modified this post slightly. because I wasn't really thinking clearly when I posted this - call it criminally negligent stupidity with intent to embarrass myself...also this is very scary.)

but you can't call me because my phone's busted and I'm too yellowdog lazy and busted-ass broke to get a new one. but if I did have a phone number, I'd give it to you so y'all could call me and tell me whatever's on your mind.

I work at a financial planning firm.

I'm a size 18 and about five feet tall/190 lbs.

My blood type is O+, which may be important information for you to have if you ever need a kidney or something.

I make this information public so that when a certain extremely influential and important highly-visible prestigious lady law blogger needs to sue my ass she won't have to drive herself crazy trying to find me.

I know, I give and I give and I give...

'cuz I think she'll be pissed when I tell the whole blogosphere that Ann Bartow supports the war, wears fur, force-feeds geese, watches porn, reads Ayn Rand, drives an SUV, eats babies and votes Republican.

at least I hope so. (I mean - I hope she'll be mad. I hope she doesn't read Ayn Rand, for goodness sake.)

dude - I'm so sensitive I run away from my keyboard in tears and fling myself on the bed to sob myself to sleep every time some other blogger calls me a man, or a dumbass, or whatever. but I'm not gonna sue Pony just because she gets under my skin from time to time. (and I mean, it wouldn't really be libel or slander if someone calls me a dumbass, because I wouldn't be surprised if a jury of my peers found enough evidence to convict me of dumbassery in the first degree with malice aforethought.)

But if she wants to sue, I say go for it. Come and get me, Ann Bartow, Poopooface-at-Law!

But be warned, 30% of nothin' is still nothin'.

Ha! This reminds me that there needs to be another East Coast meet up, since i've missed previous versions.

I'd suggest New Haven as being in between Hartford and NYC, but it's New Haven.

I'll put a post up later...
Heidi, when is your b-day, we could have a little something up here closer to the end of the month. Say a week and a half, that should be right.

Also do you know why today is such an improtant day in rock n' roll history?
Before you anwser ask fred, let's see what he knows.[insert evil laugh here as needed]
Would it be the Lynyrd Skynyrd plane crash? Or the release of Maybelline....

I love quizzes, me :)
That would be the Lynyrd Skynyrd plane crash! Very good.
you say it's your BIRTHDAY!! (da da da da DAH da da dah)

well, hello, we have to celebrate.

and hellyah, another meetup soon.

i still think we all need to make a pilgrimage to that bookstore Kristin was telling us about.

and i hope y'all can come out to NY again soon...

(hey, sly. have you been to the school gym? isn't it frigging surreal? it's the first Gothic gym i'd ever been to...)
p.s. i really don't think you should give Bartow a kidney. she can get her own kidney. maybe from one of those pornified SUV driving geese she's always force feeding.
OK, you're going to have to share the dumbassery award with me. Here's why:
that's not your real address is it? Because just the thought of it being your real address made my stomach hurt. You're kidding, right?

You freakin' rock. And if she does sue you, I know some MEAN damn lawyers...
well, thanks, RenEv. From you, that means a lot.
Hey, I hope I haven't missed it already, but nevertheless... happy birthday, to a fellow Scorpio! We're a lustful, sex-crazed lot, aren't we? I knew there was a reason I liked you so much. ;)

Oh, and also, this post is awesome. I keep meaning to write something about blogging, anonymity (or the illusion thereof), and all that good stuff. Bitch|Lab has even asked me to do so. I just have to get off my ass and do it.

Anyway. Once again: happy birthday!!
Oh happy birthday!
Ap: anti-queen said she would make you a viking cake and we all will go pillageing! Sound good? Let us know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:) my birthday's not til the ninth. coupla weeks yet.

but it is the big three-nine. shit.

I notice that although she tried to clear things up with Zuzu, she's more or less rising above the least, my double-dog-dare didn't seem to get much of a rise.
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