Tuesday, September 19, 2006
It was somewhat anticlimactic.
There was a lot of waiting involved, in a very tiny waiting room crowded walker-to-wheelchair with neurology patients of various stripes, the walls of the room covered with helpful informative posters:
"Know the Warning Signs of Stroke!"
"Living! with Parkinson's Disease"
"Alzheimer's Disease and Your Loved One"
"You and Your Seziure Disorder"
"So You've Suffered a Work-Related Traumatic Brain Injury"
"Ten Signs You Have A Railroad Spike Embedded In Your Brain"
All very reassuring.
At long last Frau Doktor Helga Von Brainenstein* came out and called my name, and we went down a long ominous hallway into her tiny ominous office. She asked a hundred questions, we played those same games doctors always seem to play when checking out your neuros, and then she said:
"well, it might have been a stroke. OR a migraine. OR a seizure disorder. OR anxiety.
OR it could have been any of those in combination.
We'll know more after we run more tests..."
Jesus Evil Christ. I could drop dead before they figure out what's gone awry in the vast empty space between my ears. But Dr. Von Brainenstein was very gentle, very nice, very reassuring, all in all, at least for the moment.
*Name changed for privacy purposes - Actually, her name was very American-sounding, but her German accent was almost impenetrable.
Fingers crossed for you, and good thoughts sent your way.
it's not so excruciatingly painful as it is excruciatingly mysterious and unknown and just plain witch-doctor-y.
'cuz nobody really knows what's going on in there.
I get the sense that I'm being asked to panic/not panic based on exactly NO EVIDENCE of NOTHING.
I hope all goes well for you, and that you feel better in the meantime.
I hope they discover the problem soon, and I hope it's no problem at all.
So: what -are- the ten signs you have a railroad spike through your head?
1) Large silver spike through head
oh, right, if you haven't noticed.
1) For some reason keep having trouble getting through doorways; notice odd "clinking" sound
2) Hats no longer fit
3) Bitch of a time getting through airport security
4) Keep seeming to hear radio stations from Japan
5) You keep finding refrigerator magnets along with your dandruff
6) Any talk of trains fills you with a deep inexplicable feeling of dread
7) Kids in the park keep tossing rings at your head, to your eternal annoyance
8) You feel a strange sympathy for Trotsky lately, although you've never had much affinity with his politics, and keep returning to the end of his bio over and over again
9) People keep coming up to you and saying, "Dude. Did you know you have a railroad spike sticking out of your head?"
10) Ann Coulter really has a point, you think to yourself...
By the end of it she was like, "FOR FUCK'S SAKE, AT LEAST TELL ME IF I HAVE CANCER OR NOT!!! STOP JERKING ME AROUND!"
(As it turns out - it was possibly-kinda-cancerous, but not lymphoma. In the end. But really, who does that? 'Hmm, could be HORRIBLE DEADLY THING, but really, we're not sure, so don't worry about it!')
Do you get white-coat hypertension, too?
My thoughts are with you, though.
I just wanted to let you know that this was nominated & selected for the 23rd edition of Carnival of Feminists. It's up at Lingual Tremors (http://www.fervidus.typepad.com).
I've done my best to get your name, blog name and post's intentions correct. If I've made any mistakes, please email and I'll fix it as soon as possible.
I hope you enjoy reading COF.
what is funny is that everything I know about medicine (the whole thimble's worth) I learned from craptacular doctor shows.
I told this to Dr. VonBrainenstein.
"Ach, vell. At least you don't vatch dat terrrrrrrrrrible Doktor...vat'shisname...House..."
which, of course, I do. I'm a House junkie.
And get that cat out of here!
I had to go get the whole workup a year or two ago because I was having increasingly bad, disabling migraines. They were so bad, my regular doc was like, you know this could be seizures...so let's get you checked out. They did the invoked potenial test, an MRI, a nerve conduction test and something else that I can't remember but was kinda painful. All to find out, nah, I'm just having really really bad migraines. Sorry. Have some pills and come back in three months.
And my neuro is from Mexico, I think, because he's got a very heavy accent and his name is Hidalgo Garcia ;) Do you think there's a pattern here, neuros with accents? Hrm....