Thursday, May 18, 2006

There are a few more comments on the f/f rape thing, if anyone's interested.

the one comment from Stating the Obvious did touch a nerve, I admit.

no, I'm not precisely "over" it. it's still a sore spot, obviously. but Millie M. did not make me kinky. I was kinky before I even met her. To assume that because I had this experience I am somehow permanently damaged and doomed to eternally replay an endless loop of abuse, or otherwise never be "over it", is incorrect in my opinion.

it is wonderful how everyone's an expert on the subject, isn't it?

good company, I suppose; Stephen King used to complain about similar sorts of boneheaded "diagnoses. "ah, you had such and such a traumatic experience in your childhood. stop right there. clearly, your entire oeuvre and *any* interest in the (frankly distasteful) subject of horror is rooted in that experience. i know this, because I saw some Freud-Based-Self-Help 4 Dummies author explain it all on Oprah once, and it made perfect sense. i finally understood why i do not care for horror (porn, whatever) and why this confirms that I am Normal, or at any rate, more normal than you, you poor bastard. that will be $75, please; go buy yourself a nice espresso."
I'm sure the commenter meant well.

that is, I'm sure the commenter meant to politely point out what s/he thought was an inconsistency and wanted me to benefit from hir helpful contribution.

because otherwise there's no real reason to comment.
because certainly the commenter would not want to try to humiliate a rape survivor while she's talking about her rape. that would be wrong.
I thought I was making a concise, pointed observation of an inconsistancy.

Turns out I was just being a shithead.

I'm very sorry for upsetting you. If I'd had meant to be constructive, I wouldn't have been so flippant with it.

Again, I'm sorry. I had no right to talk to you that way.
STO - it's cool.

no shame in being mistaken. I'm sure you didn't mean to be cruel.

it's all just another opportunity for growth.
! very graciously and nicely done.
hopefully STO will return to comment further on other things.

It's not like I have the traffic to lose.
I am curious as to why the radfem elite have for the most part not bothered to comment on this issue, save maybe V.

they were out in force (more or less) when they had a quarrel with - nothing. it's not like I banned anyone or even put anyone on moderation.

do I smell as bad on the intarweb as I do in real life?
There's an elite now? Fuck.
well, I think there is. I could be wrong, but that's how I see it.

One might also call it a radfem echo chamber or alternately (if one were feeling vulgar) a radfem circle jerk. But there definitely seems to be a bunch of women who decide what is and what ain't worth discussing.

Frankly I feel left out and jealous and lonely, like I'm sitting on the far end of the blog playground watching all the other bloggers do each other's blog hair. (ah, where are the snows of seventh grade?)

I'm not fishing for a litany of "great post! brilliant post! I laughed! I cried! you tell 'em! Go sister!" I'd take a snipe, snark, troll, drive-by, dissertation - something, anything. and I wouldn't even rule-ify them. I promise.

But at the moment it seems like someone somewhere has deemed me irrelevant and not worth responding to.

of course, it could be my own wild hypersensitivity to the behavior of women in groups (or perceived groups). or maybe I truly have nothing to say, and I just don't realize it yet and I'm running around like a blog chicken with my blog head cut off, just waiting to drop blog dead.
that said, you do an A+ top-drawer world-champion job of commenting - but jeez - the whole burden shouldn't be on you! you have a whole blogosphere to comment on! ;)
Do you feel like I'm hijacking? Apologies, if so. I do tend to get into multipost grooves when I'm interested in something; bitch | lab could probably testify to that.
how can you hijack? you're the only one here.

you're cool.
pardon me - nearly the only one here.
well-YOU'RE here! and it's your space!

heh, no, it's a thing of mine.

Y'know--it took me a while to build up some regular readers/commenters. I just went blog surfing, spent (and still do spend) a fair amount of time reading and commenting on other peoples' blogs, put up links to the ones I like without worrying about whether they were gonna link back; but most people do, especially if they have trackback. Hang in there.
--and: like I say, I get the whole feeling excluded bit, and I certainly get the annoyance; but honestly I think the solution is to go farther afield. Blogosphere's a big place. Go exploring. See what you can bring back.
--by the way, I would love to talk more about the hypersensitivity around groups of women, or even other women; because that's also a thing of mine, and I think it's important to talk about from a feminist perspective.
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